GiveawaysGood and EVO

Win an OtterBox HTC EVO Commuter Series Case!


If you read my OtterBox HTC EVO Commuter Series Case review and want to get a case for yourself, then you might be planning to buy it today. Wait! Don't add it to your cart just yet.

OtterBox generously sent me not one but two Commuter Series cases to give away to two lucky G&E readers for free. And since there are two cases, I'd like to give you two chances to win.

  1. Read my Commuter Series Case review and leave a comment.
  2. Since giveaways are always fun and we could all use a good laugh, tell us a joke in the comments of this post. Any kind of joke is fine, as long as it isn't obscene or offensive.

You can throw your name into both hats from now until 11:59 p.m. EST on Thursday, September 30th. I'll choose one comment/joke from each post at random and announce the winners on Friday. Each winner will receive a free Commuter Series Case worth $34.95 (I'll pay for shipping). The same person can't get both cases, so I'll generate a new random number to pick another winner if necessary.

Many thanks to OtterBox for providing the cases. Have fun and good luck!

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Jenn K. Lee

Jenn K. Lee is the founder of Pocketables. She loves gadgets the way most women love shoes and purses. The pieces in her tech wardrobe that go with everything are currently the Samsung Galaxy Note II, Sony Tablet P, and Nexus 7, but there are still a couple of vintage UMPCs/MIDs in the back of her closet.

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Avatar of Jenn K. Lee

224 thoughts on “Win an OtterBox HTC EVO Commuter Series Case!

  • Avatar of 01svt

    As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director
    to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends,
    so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Kentucky back country.

    As I was not familiar with the woods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I

    didn’t stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the

    funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

    There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

    I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

    I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.

    I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

    The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.

    I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.

    I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

    And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep.

    They wept, I wept, we all wept together.

    When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.

    Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

    As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say,

    “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

  • Avatar of bomb408

    two peanuts are walking down the street, one was assaulted.

  • Why did Santa’s little helper feel depressed?
    He had low elf esteem

  • Avatar of PC Sleuth

    What do you call 53 millionaires watching the super bowl on TV?

    The Dallas Cowboys.

  • Avatar of Cuong N

    I think I compare to an otter. I commute over an ocean or through a body of water in Rhode Island to campus, a good ole 20 mile commute.

    I live in a library maybe a den/burrow. My charger is always with me. I mainly eat aquatic animals, predominantly fish and shellfish, but also other invertebrates, amphibians, birds and small mammals.

    Otters live up to ten years, and hope my Evo battery will last this long with case!

  • Two sausages are in a frying pan. The first sausage turns to the second sausage and says, “Sure is hot in here.”

    The second sausage replies, “HOLY CRAP! A TALKING SAUSAGE!”

  • Avatar of Ryan

    So a man walks into a bar…his friend ducks under it…

    Ok wait here is a better one… An irishman walks out of a bar… Yeah never mind, no one is going to believe that one…..

  • Where do otters come from? Otter space.

  • Three naked midgets walk into a gay bar – sit on one stool… how’d they all fit?

    They turned it upside down!!!

  • Avatar of Carlos martinez

    I traded in my EVO for an iphone 4! Haha,now thats a joke!!!

  • As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.

    Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy. It just sat there, looking like a rock, but sometimes it lifted a lower edge and sucked in powdered sugar. That was all it ate. No one ever saw it move, but every once in a while, it wasn’t quite where people thought it was. There was a theory that it moved when no one was looking. Bob Laverty had a heli-worm he called Dolly. It was green and carried on photosynthesis. Sometimes it moved to get into better light and when it did so it coiled its wormlike body and inched along very slowly like a turning helix.

    One day, Jim Sloane challenged Bob Laverty to a race. “My Teddy,” he said, “can beat your Dolly.” “Your Teddy,” scoffed Laverty, “doesn’t move.” “Bet!” said Sloane. The whole crew got into the act. Even the captain risked half a credit. Everyone bet on Dolly. At least she moved. Jim Sloane covered it all. He had been saving his salary through three trips and he put every millicredit of it on Teddy. The race started at one end of the grand salon. At the other end, a heap of sugar had been placed for Teddy and a spotlight for Dolly.

    Dolly formed a coil at once and began to spiral its way very slowly toward the light. The watching crew cheered it on. Teddy just sat there without budging. “Sugar, Teddy. Sugar,” said Sloane, pointing. Teddy did not move. It looked more like a rock than ever, but Sloane did not seem concerned. Finally, when Dolly had spiraled halfway across the salon, Jim Sloane said casually to his rockette, “If you don’t get out there, Teddy, I’m going to get a hammer and chip you into pebbles.” That was when people first discovered that rockettes could read minds. That was also when people first discovered that rockettes could teleport. Sloane had no sooner made his threat when Teddy simply disappeared from his place and reappeared on top of the sugar.

    Sloane won, of course, and he counted his winnings slowly and luxuriously. Laverty said bitterly, “You knew the damn thing could teleport.”

    “No, I didn’t,” said Sloane, “but I knew he would win. It was a sure thing.”

    “How come?”

    “It’s an old saying everyone knows: Sloane’s Teddy wins the race.”

    (Don’t get it? Read that last bit again :D)

  • Mine is a dirty joke:

    2 white horses fell in the mud!

  • why did the football player go to the bank?
    so he could get his quarter back…

  • Avatar of James

    A person went to the docters office, and asked the doctor “What do I do, my arm hurts in two places”…after a while of thinking the doctor replied “Well don’t go back to those places”

  • Two cannibals were eating a clown. One looked to the other and said “does this taste funny to you?”

  • Avatar of Shaun Small

    Leaving New York for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall…

    – “Hi there, how is it going?”

    Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn’t know what to say so finally I say:

    – “Not bad…”

    Then the voice says:

    – “So, what are you doing?”

    I am starting to find that a bit weird, but I say:

    – “Well, I’m going back to Colorado…”

    Then I hear the person say all flustered:

    – “Look I’ll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me.”

  • Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”

    Emmet Otter told me that one while on tour with his jug band. Honest.

  • Avatar of kudosmog

    A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the bathroom. He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I spat in this beer, do not drink!”. After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”

  • Avatar of Cheeb

    Rabbit is running thru the jungle and comes up on a donkey about to roll a joint, rabbit says to the donkey: “hey donkey, dont do drugs come running with me, it will be fun!” Donkey puts the joint away and goes off running thru the jungle.

    Rabbit & donkey runs into a monkey sitting on a tree about to eat some psychedelic mushrooms, and rabbit shouts: “Dont eat those mushrooms, come running with us and you can see some cool stuff!” Monkey decides, what the hell, what do I have to lose? so the three go off running thru the jungle.

    While they are excitedly running thru the jungle, rabbit, donkey, & monkey come across a lion about to shoot some heroin rabbit runs up to the lion and says “Hey lion, dont do heroin, come….” when BAM the lion swipes the rabbit with his giant paws killing the rabbit on the spot.

    Both the monkey & donkey start freaking out screaming at the lion: “Why did you do that? He was just trying to help us and show us a good time!” While the two are crying hysterically, guess what the lion said?

    “That damn rabbit, every time he takes ecstasy, he gets all hyped up and wants me to run thru the forrest with him!”

  • Avatar of John

    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

  • So recently my girl friend found some texts on my phone; who are you texting and why does it matter what her color is black our white. Soon after she texts we need talk. It’s over! I know what you’ve been up too willing too spend anything huh. Well I lost her but just like I planned got a black evo white case & replacement plan. Losing the girl sucks but watching her get mad everytime I whip out my huge screen is priceless. Makes me glad we work together.

  • Avatar of chris grogan

    Who cuts the man in the moon’s hair? Eclipse his own.

  • Q: Why don’t birds wear underwear?
    A: Because their pecker is on their face.

  • Avatar of bk w/ bloody sauce

    so a guy from the city go to a farm and asks the farmer
    do you have any honey suckle?
    the farmer replies, yes over by the back fence.
    a few hours later the guy walks back by with a couple buckets of honey and the farmer just stares at him in wonder.

    the next day the guy from the city comes back and asks if the farmer has any golden lillies?
    the farmer again replies, yes over by the old railroad tracks.
    a few hours later the guy walks back by with a couple buckets of gold
    and the farmer again just stares at him in wonder

    the third day the guy from the city comes back by and asks the farmer if he has any pussywillows?
    The farmer replies, let me get my hat and we’ll go see together.

  • Avatar of Carl

    If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas because that’s what He’s getting.

  • How do you get a bunch of clumsy EVO owners to post corny jokes?
    You offer them a chance to win a box to carry their precious lil EVO in so when their clumsiness inevitibly takes ober, their precious EVO won’t have to suffer for their carelessness : ) : ) : )

  • Avatar of msheep

    Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

    The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

    The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

    There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”

  • Avatar of seven27

    Kermit the frog walks into the 1st National Bank inquiring about a loan. He sits down at the desk of loan officer Patricia Whack. After inquiring about various rates and default penalties, he decides to take out a $100,000.00 loan. All Mrs. whack needs from Kermit is some collateral. When asked for this, Kermit reaches into his bag and pulls out a tiny Zebra and places it on her desk. Mrs. Whack replies “I’m sorry sir but I’ll need something more valuable”. Kermit thinks for a bit and says “well my father is Mick Jagger, he’ll cover anything I can’t”. Mrs Whack goes to consult with her boss, Mr. Flannagan.
    “What is the problem Patricia?”
    “Well that frog over there wants a $100,000 loan. I asked him for collateral and he gave me this!”
    Mr. Flannagan looks at the zebra for a moment and says “give him the loan”
    Mrs. Whack says “what is that little zebra? Is it valuable?”
    Mr. Flannagan says “It’s a knick-knack Patty Whack, give that frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone!”

  • Avatar of Theory of EVOlution

    Why did the Scarecrow get a Nobel Prize?

    He was out standing in his field.

  • Avatar of seven27

    One day little Billy was embarrassed that he flunked his spelling test and was moping around the house. His Grandpa Jenkins noticed this and asked Billy what was wrong.
    “Well Grandpa, I’m so ashamed. I was up all night studying and I still failed.
    Grandpa Jenkins chuckled a bit.
    “You want to know about shame and embarrassment? Sit down, kid.”
    30 years ago I was hunting in the bushes of deepest darkest Africa with my guide Mok-Mok and my best friend Carl. We were 12 days into the safari when we were attacked by the biggest jaguar I’d ever seen. It leapt out of nowhere and killed Mok-Mok with one swipe of It’s terrible claws. Carl and I ran as fast as we could until we were trapped at the edge of a cliff. Our backs to the jungle and facing certain death below, we heard the great cat behind us snarling and charging. We were frozen in terror. The cat grabbed Carl and began devouring him, I still couldn’t move. For one agonizing hour I heard my best friend become a meal. The sounds stopped and I was certain the jaguar had left and I slowly turned around. The jaguar was staring me dead in the eye! It leapt at me and roared RRRRRRAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! and well……..I…I crapped my pants.
    Little Billy, transfixed by the story stammered out…”well Grandpa, that is completely understandable. I can understand having an accident when a Jaguar is trying to kill you! It makes my problem seem like nothing!”
    “No Little Billy, not then! I crapped them just now when I went RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!!!!!”

  • Avatar of Bobby

    Don’t argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

  • Avatar of Maurice

    A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. “$10 for 3 minutes” replied the pilot.

    “That’s too much.” said the farmer.

    The pilot thought for a second and then said, “I’ll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound then the ride will be free. But if you make a sound you’ll have to pay $10.”

    The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed the pilot said to the farmer, “I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man.”

    “Maybe so,” said the farmer, “but I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife passed out.”

  • Avatar of Joel C.

    You want a joke eh……. Well here goes….. Justin Beiber. The end. /:

  • Avatar of Kevbo

    I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me….

    Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

  • Avatar of erika

    What kind of room has no roof or walls?…………….

    a mushROOM!

  • Avatar of Atif

    So this weekend I got a ticket for goin 94 on a 70 zone :( Just thought I could share this so you guys can avoid a ticket next time you get pulled over ! ” btw, a big fan of the blog – cheers!! ”


    –I can’t reach my license officer unless you hold my beer.

    — Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize I was driving.

    — Wow, you must’ve been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!

    — I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

    — You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?

    — You look just like my girlfriend’s deadbeat ex-husband.

    — The question is — do YOU know why you pulled me over?

    — I was trying to keep up with traffic, and it’s miles ahead of me.

    — If you have to ask if I’ve been drinking, I’m not going to tell you, dude.

    — It wasn’t my fault — when I reached down to roll this joint, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged under the brake pedal.

    — That’s a sweet 9mm. You want to hold my .44 magnum?

    — If I’d known I was getting a full body cavity search, I would have waxed!

  • Avatar of H1N1

    where is this OTTERBOX come from?

    OtterSpace ;)

  • Check this out. My friend is taking a shower. He keeps on complaining about his shampoo. He said that there is no bubble coming out of his hair. So I ask him, “did you wet your hair?” He said no. Coz his shampoo said “for dry hair”.

  • Avatar of John N

    How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

    Poker Face!!

  • Avatar of RiverCityEvo

    Winning the award for Employee of the Month is the ultimate in good news and bad news at the same time.

  • Avatar of Reginald Nash

    Training at Cowboy stadium was delayed after a player found an unknown white powdery substance on the ground. Training was suspended while police and Homeland Security was called in. After analysis, experts determined that the white substance, unfamiliar to most of the players, was in fact the goal line. Practice resumed after they decided the team was unlikely to encounter it again!!

  • Avatar of Kevin

    Did you here the one about the baby seal? He walked into a club…

  • Avatar of Hello Kimmy

    I have heard a lot of goof things about the otterbox. Would love to give one a try.

    Joke of the day:
    A blonde, a brunette and a red head were smoking cigarettes one afternoon. The blonde had Camels, red head had Marlboros, and the brunette had Kools.

    It began to pour down raining, so the red head and brunette both pull out a condom and put it on their cigs. The blonde says “what are you doing?” – and they say “we’re saving it for later!”

    Impressed, and in a hurry, the blonde goes to the nearest store and asks for a condom. The clerk says “What size? small, medium, or large?” She said “I dont know… one to fit a camel?”

  • Avatar of Mark Freedman

    You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!

  • Avatar of OneWing

    What’s the difference between UT QB Garrett Gilbert and Lindsey Lohan? Lohan has a good line in front of her right now.

  • There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

    Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

    “No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

    “I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

  • I used to work in a Pet Store…. I quit after people kept asking how big I’d get.

  • Avatar of Scott

    How do lesbians hold their liquor?
    By the ears.

  • What food is afraid of commitment? The cantaloupe.

  • Avatar of Shifty_z

    horse walks into a bar….bartender asks “Why the long face?”

  • Avatar of Rhino

    Your mama so fat, she needs a paint roller to put on her lipstick.

  • Guy walks into a public restroom and sees a man with no arms standing in front of the urinal. Guy with no arms asks if he could unzip him. Guy does. Guy with no arms asks if the guy would pull it out for him. Guy hesitates but does as he feels sorry for him. His junk is all scarred, red, scabbed and has sores on it. When he’s done, he asks the man to help him put it away and zip him up. Guy does then asks, “Man, what’s wrong with your junk?”

    Guy pulls his arms out from under his shirt and says, “I don’t know, but I’M not touching that thing!”

  • Avatar of Jimg

    Teacher asks the class, who here are Obama fans, everyone raises their hands except Johnnie. Teacher asked Johnnie..why aren’t you a Obama fan. Johnnie states, well my mom and dad are not Obama fans. Teacher asks “Well what if your mom was a idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be?”…Johnnie smirked and said “a Obama fan.

  • The man charged into the jewelry shop, slammed his fists angrily on the showcase, removed a wristwatch from his pocket and shook it under the nose of the owner.

    “You said this watch would last me a lifetime,” he yelled. “Yeah,” admitted the owner. “But you looked pretty sick the day you bought it.”

  • Avatar of Viper1969

    What’s the difference between Harriet Tubman and The Red Hot Chili Peppers?

    Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves.

  • Avatar of Brian

    Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
    He was charged with battery.

  • Avatar of Leigh Anne

    Awesome…been waiting on the Otterbox. Seidio silicone layer tore down by the USB port :-( Been rolling with the 1st layer of the Seidio since….just not the same protection.

  • Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

  • Avatar of Lightbender

    Crossing my fingers for that beautiful Otterbox Case.

    In a men’s room stall and I hear-

    – “Hi there, how is it going?”
    Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn’t know what to say so finally I say:
    – “Not bad…”
    Then the voice says:
    – “So, what are you doing?”
    I am starting to find that a bit weird, but I say:
    – “Well, I’m on a road trip for business…”
    Then I hear the person say all flustered:
    – “Look I’ll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me.”

  • Two blonds were walking through the wilderness one afternoon when they came upon a set of tracks.

    The first blond shouted, “OMG, I think those are bear tracks!”

    The second blond replied, “No they aren’t silly, those are rabbit tracks.”

    As there stood there arguing, they were hit by a train.

  • Avatar of Sonia

    I think I will have to give the OtterBox a try. I like that it’s not as bulky as other OtterBoxes seem to be.

    A boy was in trouble so he had too go to bed early. He got in bed and asked his dad for a glass of water, so his dad brought him a glass.

    Five minutes later the boy called down too his dad, ”can I have another glass of water?”

    So, his dad brought him up one. Five minutes later the boy called back down too his dad saying ”can I have another glass of water?”

    His dad said NO, if you ask me one more time I’m going too come up there and spank you.

    Five minutes later the boy called down, ”on your way up too spank me can you bring me a glass of water?

  • Avatar of Wade

    A duck walks into a restaurant and asks, “Can I have a menu?”. The maître d’ says, “We don’t serve ducks. Please leave.”

    The duck leaves and comes back 10 minutes later and asks, “Can I have a menu?”. The maître d’ says, “I told you we don’t serve ducks. Don’t come back.”

    The duck leaves again, but comes back 10 minutes later and asks, “Can I have a menu?”. The maître d’ is getting quite upset and says, “We don’t serve ducks! If you come back again, I will staple your feet to the floor!”

    The duck leaves and comes back 10 minutes later and asks, “Do you have any staples?”. The maître d’ says, “No.”. The duck says, “Can I have a menu?”.

  • Avatar of edzhtcevo

    A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods.

    The bear asks the rabbit if he has trouble with poop sticking to his fur.

    The rabbit replies, no.

    So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit.

    (I know, it’s borrowed…….)LOL

  • A bear and a rabbit are taking as shit in the woods.
    The bear looks over at the rabbit and ask: excuse me, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?
    The rabbit says no.
    So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

  • Avatar of sebas

    What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
    Anyone can roast beef.

  • Avatar of EVOlution

    So… a Horse walks into a bar, and the bartender looks at him and asks “Why the long face?”

    A little later, and ham and cheeze on rye walked into the same bar, and the the bartender says “Sorry… we dont server sandwiches here!”

    Good luck to all who entered!

  • Avatar of zinger

    I’d really hate to badger you about winning this otterbox case.

  • Avatar of jmmhawk

    A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.

    The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

    ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife.

    ‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies.

    ‘Put them back, we can’t afford them demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

    A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

    What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the husband.

    ‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,’ replies the wife.

    Her husband retorts: ‘So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.’

    On the PA system: ‘Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.’

  • Avatar of Luis

    A Rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder.

    The bartender says, where did you get one of those.

    The frog say, in Brooklyn, there are a ton of them there.

  • Avatar of Leigh Anne

    Redneck Joke

    It’s the way you say it…

    A University of Georgia student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays.

    He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed.

    He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, “Where does you go to school?”

    The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question.

    “Yale,” she replied.

    The Georgia student took a big, deep breath and shouted, “WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL??”

  • Avatar of Leigh Anne

    Relationship Joke
    0 to 200 in 6 seconds
    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.

  • Avatar of pistos

    A foreman had ten very lazy men working for him. One day he decided to
    trick them into doing some work for a change.

    “I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he
    announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up.”

    Nine hands went up.

    “Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the tenth man.

    “Too much trouble,” came the reply.

  • Avatar of Lightbender

    Where do Otters come from?

    Otter Space!

    Love the site. Please keep up the good work.

  • Avatar of chris

    The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.

    He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

    The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read… Main entrance.

  • Avatar of Hector

    A cop sees a guy walking down the road that is stumbling and off balance.

    The cop puts him in the car and tells him he’s going to jail for publix intoxication.

    The guy asks “Officer are you sure I’m drunk?”

    The officer replies “Of course you’re drunk, you can’t walk straight.”

    The guy says “Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled”

  • Avatar of Chuck

    Man and wife walking through a county fair. They see a large bull with a sign saying he breeds 12 times a year. “Look at that” says the wife, “he breeds every month.” Then they see a larger bull, sign says he breeds 52 times a year. “Look at that” says the wife, “he breeds every week.” Then they see an even larger bull, sign says he breeds 365 times a year. “Look at that” says the wife, “he breeds every single day.”
    “Yeah” says the husband, “but I bet he don’t have the same cow every time.”

  • Avatar of Falco1

    A guy takes his wife golfing for the first time. He warns her ahead of time that all along this course are million dollar homes, so she needs to be careful.
    She tees off and shanks her ball badly, after a short time they hear glass breaking. He says “Great, now we have to go talk to the owner and find out what the damages are going to cost.”
    So they walk over to this house and knock. Nobody answers the door, but they see a guy setting on the couch so they walk in. Once in, they see the window they broke and an old antique vase broken and laying in the window glass as well.
    The husband says “Sir, I am really sorry about the damages, my wife has never goilfed before. I would be happy to pay for all damages.”
    They gentleman on the couch replies “Today is your lucky day. You see, I am a geenie I lived in that vase you broke. Since you set me free, I will grant you each one wish, but I get the 3rd wish”
    Excited, the husband responds “I want 2 million dollars a year for the rest of my life!” The geenie says “Done! I will also throw in good health for your entire family. What would you like maam?”
    The wife responds “I would like a mansion in every country in the world” The geenie says “You got it. I will also throw in a private jet to get to all of these houses.”
    The couple is so excited over their new found fortune, so they turn to the geenie and ask “Ok, now what is your wish?” The geenie responds “You know, I have been in that bottle for hundreds of years and it has been a long time since I have been with a woman. I wish I could make love to your wife”
    The couple surpised at the request get together to discuss it. They figure they now got all this wealth, what is the harm. They love each other and the rewards are worth it.
    So the geenie and the wife go upstairs. They are there for hours and hours. 4 hours later after some hot and heavy love making, the geenie turns to the woman and asks “May I ask how old you and your husband are?” She responds “We are in our late 30’s, why?”
    The geenie replies “WOW! That old and you damn people still believe in geenies.”

  • How many Aggies does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

    100 – one to stir and 99 to peel the M&M’s.

  • Avatar of Matt

    Knock, Knock
    -Who’s there?
    Interupting Cow

  • Avatar of mark

    why did the man clock out the window?
    So he could see time fly

  • Avatar of Alex

    What do you call a fish without an eye?

    A fsh.

  • What did the bath tub say to the toilet seat?

    You might get more A** then me but I don’t take S**t from nobody!


  • Avatar of Dale

    Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side amputated?
    Don’t worry, he’s all right.

  • One day a guy and his wife find out she’s pregnant, but the baby is born with a rare disease where he is born without limbs or a torso. Regardless, the man and wife raise the child to the best of their abilities. On the son’s 21st birthday, he begs and pleads with his father to go drinking with him. The father finally gives in and they head to bar.

    Whilst at the bar, the bartender says, “sheesh – your life must be a wreck – drinks are on the house,” so the father and son order up the strongest drink they can handle. After the first shot, the son miraculously grows a torso. Astounded, the father breaks down into tears on his knees and urges the son to have another shot.

    The son bottoms down another shot and POOF – his arms grow from his new torso. As the son gets acquainted with his new appendages, the father drinks some more and calls his wife to celebrate. At the request of the other patrons, the son drinks another shot. After taking his 3rd shot, his legs extend from the son’s body.

    The son, now drunk and naked, is urged to leave the bar. Rather than cause a commotion, he casually wraps a table cloth around himself and in a drunken and first time ever, walks out of the bar. As he’s crossing the street, the son steps in front of a bus and is instantaneously killed.

    Everyone, shocked and horrified, give the son a moment of silence while his father cries. The bartender says, “He shoulda quit while he was a head.”

  • Avatar of David Stoner

    Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

  • Avatar of evowolf

    My favorite cell phone joke:
    Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
    “Honey, It’s me.”
    “Are you still at the club?”
    “Great! I’m at the mall and I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?”
    “What’s the price?”
    “Only $1,500.”
    “Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much.”
    “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price.”
    “What price did he quote you?”
    “Only $69,000!”
    “Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
    “Great! Before we hang up, something else…”
    “I stopped by to see the house we looked at last year. It’s on sale! Remember? The one on the beach with a pool, acre garden…”
    “How much are they asking?”
    “Only $960,000… a great price.”
    “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $920,000, OK?”
    “Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!”

    The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and asks aloud, “Does anyone know whose phone this is?”

  • A woman didn’t come home one night. Next morning she told her husband she had slept over at a friends house. Husband calls her 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

    Man didn’t come home one night. Next morning he says he slept over at a friends house. Wife calls his 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he slept over and two said he was still there.

  • Avatar of Devin

    An old man walks into a bar. Ouch.

  • Avatar of Steve1515

    Q. How do you charge a car battery?
    A. With a credit card.

  • Avatar of Paul

    Q. Why dont blind men skydive?
    A. Because it scares the crap out of the dog

  • Avatar of richard

    Son: “Dad, what’s the difference between confident and confidential?”

    Dad: “Hmm. You are my son, and of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That’s confidential.

  • Avatar of michelle

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.

  • Avatar of Matt

    What’s red and smells like blue paint?

    *drum roll*

    Red paint!

  • Why don’t Dinosaurs talk?
    Because the’re all dead!

  • Avatar of anthony

    Signs You’re from New York

    1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.

    2. You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skill.

    3. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.

    4. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.

    5. The homeless are invisible.

    6. The subway makes sense.

    7. The subway should never be called anything prissy, like the Metro.

    8. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.

    9. You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.

    10. You’ve considered stabbing someone just for saying “The Big Apple”.

    11. Your door has more than three locks.

    12. You go to a hockey game for the fighting. In the stands. To participate.

    13. Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.

    14. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.

    15. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

    16. You call an 8′ x 10′ plot of patchy grass a yard.

    17. You complain about having to mow it.

    18. You are a skee-ball juggernaut.

    19. You consider Westchester “Upstate”.

    20. You cried the day Ed Koch took over for Judge Wapner.

  • Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party

    After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

    Those who remained talked about their kids.

    The first guy said, ‘My son is my pride and joy.He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he’s the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.’

    The second guy said, ‘Darn, that’s terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He’s so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.’

    The third man said: ‘Well, that’s terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.’

    The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: ‘What are all the congratulations for?’

    One of the three said: ‘We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ….What about your son?’

    The fourth man replied: ‘My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.’

    The three friends said: ‘What a shame… what a disappointment.’

    The fourth man replied: ‘No, I’m not ashamed. He’s my son and I love him.
    And he hasn’t done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.

  • Avatar of Dan4G

    What does an EVO owner say when he puts the phone in a pocket? “HTaC ya go.” :D

  • Avatar of steve

    why was the computer tired when he got home?

    he had a hard drive!

  • Avatar of Dan4G

    What does an EVO owner say when he put his phone in his pocket?
    “HTaC ya go!”

  • What’s the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

  • Avatar of Amanda

    Women are Angels…and when someone breaks our wings,
    We simply continue to fly…

    On a broomstick!
    We are flexible like that:)

  • The newly announced EVO 4G College Edition will be out in time for the holidays. The major changes are that it is available in school colors, with preloaded wallpapers and backgrounds to match, and the iconic kickstand will be replaced with the much more collegiate KEGstand.

  • Avatar of Justin

    How many flies would it take to screw in a light bulb?
    2, but i have no clue how they would get in there.

  • Avatar of Jeffrey

    So a pirate captain is sailing along when out of nowhere the boat rocks violently, shoving him into the wheel. Looking down, he sees his lower area is stuck. Another pirate asks “Are you ok?” The Captain responds, “Arrr, yes but the Ship is driving me nuts”

  • Knock Knock!
    Who’s there?
    Sherlock who?
    Sherlock your door! Someone could break in…

  • Avatar of Alex

    Why do midgets laugh when they run? The grass tickles their b@lls

  • Avatar of sodiq


  • Avatar of Ian

    Q: What has seven arms and sucks?
    A: Def Leppard

  • Avatar of Nick

    An Evo walks in to a bar. Bartender says, “Hey, want a case?”

    Evo says, “No thanks, I already have one.”

    Bartender says, “Are you sure? Want an otter?”

    haha, get it? “An Otter” — “Another” haha

  • Avatar of Evo Genius

    A man is walking down the road and spots an armless man walking funny. The man asks the armless guy what’s the matter. The armless man tells him that he has to pee really bad and wonders if he might help. The man reluctantly unzips the armless man’s pants and pulls out his p3n1s. Seeing the armless mans’s p3n1s he notices that it’s covered in scars and scab. The armless man finishes up and the man helps him zip up. Being overly curious the man askes the armless fellow what is wrong with his p3n1s. The armless mans arms come out of his sleeves and he says, “I don’t know, but I ain’t touching it!”

  • Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says “Sorry, boys, we don’t serve your kind here.” So the pieces of string walk out again.

    They’re sitting in the gutter outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says “Hey! I’ve got an idea to get me into the bar.”

    So he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His mate’s looking at him and thinks he’s gone completely nuts.

    Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says “Here, you’re not a bit of string, are you?”

    The piece of string replies “No, I’m a frayed knot

  • Avatar of TRiP

    A dentist a nurse and a army general are flying.
    The dentist decides to drop a tooth brush out of the plane. The nurse drops down a medical kit and the army general drops a bomb.
    They land the airplane and see what happened…
    First they found a guy looking for his false teeth.
    Next they found a guy bandaging his wounds.
    Lastly they found a young boy laughing his head off.
    They asked him what happened and he said, “My grandfather farted and blew up his house.”

  • How do you know when an elephant has been in your house?

    all the food in the refrigerator is gone.
    …And there is a suspicious looking elephant in the corner.

  • Avatar of Hector

    A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey bud. We have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper looks at the bartender and says, “Really? You have a drink named Bill?”

  • In a murder trial, thedefense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
    Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
    Coroner: No.
    Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
    Coroner: No.
    Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
    Coroner: No.
    Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren’t sure the man was dead, were you?
    Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it’s possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

  • Avatar of Andy L.

    you otter just give the case to me!

  • Avatar of Sean D

    Knock, Knock
    Who’s there?
    Otter who?
    I otter have thought of a better joke!

  • Avatar of RodS

    One of my favorites…

    Dear Tech Support:

    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

    I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

    A Troubled User (KEEP READING)


    Dear Troubled User:

    This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

    You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.

    The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

    Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

    However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

    WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

    Best of luck,
    Tech Support

  • So a guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
    The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”
    He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”
    “Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?”
    “Yes,” he says, “I was in Iraq for one tour.”
    The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.”
    Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
    The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.”
    The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay. You’ve got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day.”
    The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 am?”
    “This is a government job”, the interviewer says. “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”

  • Avatar of Kyle

    A rope walks into a bar and the bartender says “Hey get out of here we don’t serve ropes in this bar”. So the rope walks outside, ties himself in a knot, ruffles his hair, and walks back in. Bartender says “Hey, aren’t you that rope that was in here a second ago?” Rope says, “Nope, I’m a frayed knot”. (afraid not, get it?)

    Oh man… that’s a good one.

  • Avatar of Man

    This lonely guys decides one day that he’s going to go out and get a pet to keep him company. After some time at the pet store, he settles on picking up a centipede to take home.

    They’re both home when the man decides it’s time to go out on the town, starting with some dinner. He shouts out to the centipede, “Hey, do you want to go get some dinner with me?”. He waits, and there’s no reply.

    A short time later he figures he’d just ask again. He shouts out a little louder this time, “I’m getting hungry – would you like to go out and grab a bite to eat?!”. Again, there is no answer.

    Some time later, the man cannot stand the hunger anymore and starts to grab his jacket, deciding to say out loud one last time. “Alright then, I guess I’ll go eat alone…”. All of a sudden he hears a voice from the centipede’s box:

    “I said I heard you the first time – I’ve been putting on my freakin’ shoes!”.

  • Avatar of Bob Dane

    What’s the difference between Bill and Monica Monica.

    One can’t come clean and the other one can’t clean cum

  • Avatar of Izzy

    Kid: Dad can I have $40 I’m going to the mall?
    Penny pinching Dad: $30 ? What do you want $20 for?

  • Avatar of CITY

    Yo mamma’s so fat, when she walked into a hotel and asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean!

  • Avatar of danny

    Why is an EVO like a writing desk?

    because it’s not a raven.

  • Avatar of DIESTROnG

    Yo Mama is so stupid she put paper on the TV so she could watch paper view!

  • Avatar of Babble0n

    A neutron walks into a bar and asks “How much for a beer?” The bartender says, “For you? no charge.”

  • Avatar of welcomemat

    Knock knock

    Who’s there?

    Impatient cow.


  • why was tigger looking in the toilet?

    He was looking for pooh!!!!

  • Avatar of James OIsen

    Pirate walks into a bar with the center of a sailing ship’s steering wheel attached to the front of his crotch. The bartender says “Hey, buddy that thing looks uncomfortable. What is it?” The Pirate replies “Arrrr! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”

  • Avatar of gr8wayn

    A Penguin is driving through Arizona in the middle of summer. His car starts to smoke so he takes it to a mechanic. “It’ll be a while” the mechanic says so he waddles across the street to get some ice cream. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and, since he can’t use a spoon, begins flipping it into his mouth and making quite a mess on himself. The Penguin doesn’t care because it’s so hot. He sees the mechanic come out from under his car and he waddles over and asks “You figure out what’s wrong with my car?” The mechanic says, “It looks like you’ve blown a seal” and the Penguin says “No, no, it’s just ice cream.”

  • Avatar of Knarf

    I’m dying laughing.

  • Avatar of Knarf

    What happens when an otter with an erection walks into a wall?

    He breaks his nose.

  • Avatar of Shanaynay

    Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

    The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

  • What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common?

    You keep hearing about them but never see any.

  • Avatar of Smuv

    Why, oh why is it that people say they, “slept like a baby” when babies wake up sometimes with poop in their diaper?

  • Avatar of Charles S

    Dear Abby,

    I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your
    advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected
    for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

    The usual signs… phone rings but if I answer, the caller
    hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot
    recently although when I ask their names she always says,
    “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”

    I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home,
    but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear
    a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car
    round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi?

    I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it
    was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never
    touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

    Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife.
    I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth,
    but last night she went out again and I decided to really
    check on her.

    I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle
    next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get
    a good view of the whole street when she came home.

    It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I
    noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be
    leaking a little oil.

    Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it
    back to the dealer?

  • Avatar of TheByr

    I have a six pack.. (points at flabby stomach)

    it’s just still in the bag!

  • Avatar of Stetson Dow

    Momma tomato, daddy tomato and baby tomato are walking down the street, daddy tomato looks back and sees that baby tomato is lagging behind so he walks back to him and “squoosh” and daddy tomato says…..Ketch-up. -Pulp Fiction joke

  • Q: what did the snail say while riding the turtle’s back?
    A: Wheeeee!!!

  • Avatar of Josh

    What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

  • Avatar of benodiktine

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    wait for it…. wait for it…………………..

    To get to the otter side.

  • Avatar of Rory

    Why did the goose cross the road?

    Because the light was green.

  • Avatar of jayar

    A man is driving his new car down the highway and passes underneath a bridge, just minding his own business. Suddenly the dreaded lights and siren come on behind him. Angered, the guy pulls over.

    When the officer gets to the window, the beleaguered motorist decides to have a little fun.

    “So how fast was I going?” asked the driver.
    The cop replied “Ten over. What’s the big hurry?”
    The driver said he was on his way to work.
    “Oh yeah? Where do you work?” asked the cop as he was looking at the driver’s ID.
    The driver replies “At the hospital.”
    “What do you do there?” the cop asked as he handed back the driver’s insurance card.
    “I work in the proctology department; I’m a rectum stretcher.”
    The cop’s face was brimming with awe. “A what?” he asked morbidly.
    “A rectum stretcher. I put one finger in the person’s hole, then two, then my whole hand, then both hands, then stretch them until their rectum is 6 feet wide,” the motorist confidently stated.
    The cop looked shocked. “But why would anyone want a 6 foot rectum?” he asked.
    To which the driver retorted…
    “So they could hand him a cop car, a radar gun, and park him under the bridge.”

  • Avatar of Andrew

    How do you know Jesus was Italian?

    He thought his mother was a virgin, and his mother acted like he was God!

  • What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?

  • Avatar of Aaron

    What did the Otter say to the Box? Nothing, it was too busy yelling at the clam “AAAAHHH! OPEN DAMN YOU!!!”


  • Two guys waiting at the gates of heaven. One asks the other, “How did you go?” He says, “Froze to death.” The first says, “Wow, was it terrible?” “Not so bad,” says the second guy. “It hurts at first, but then you get numb and start feeling warm and cozy and you just fall asleep. How about you? How’d you go?” “Heart attack,” says the first guy. “Swore my wife was having an affair so I snuck home in the middle of the day to catch her. Ran up the stairs to the bedroom, no one with her, ran down to the basement, no one there, then running up to the attack I dropped dead.”

    “Oh man!” says the first. “If you’d’a looked in the freezer, we’d both be alive!”

  • Avatar of CTSLICK

    A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

    The bartender asks, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?”

    The guy says, “You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had.”

    The bartender asks, “What do you have?”

    The guy says, “75 cents.”

  • Avatar of Dave

    What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

    A little Hoarse….

  • What did the Htc Evo 4G say to the iPhone4? “I dont care”

  • Avatar of David K Tenney

    Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?

    Well fo drizzle of course.

  • Avatar of Stoph Cusick

    A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
    Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
    After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”
    “I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”
    The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
    The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
    When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

  • Avatar of Rhino Ron

    two women are sitting in a vets office, one has a great dane and the other has a chihuahua, the lady with the great dane asks the lady with the chihuahua “what bring you to the vets office?” The chihuahua lady sez ” well when i get home from work Chico gets excited and starts humping my leg so I’m getting him fixed” the lady with the great dane says, “Im having the exact same problem” the chihuahua lady sez “So you’re getting him fixed too” the lady with the great dane sez “no Im getting his nails clipped”..

  • Avatar of Jessica

    What do you get when you mix a rhinoceros and an elephant?


  • Avatar of John

    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    A: Because earlier that morning the farmer’s daughter had inadvertantly left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a math test that she had later day. She hadn’t studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her father’s recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distracted of late.

    Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soybean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture removalists van as it attempted to make its way home.

    Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman.

    “Cool” thought the mental health worker- “those feathers will make for excellent trout flys”. He stopped and plucked a handful of the most irridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. “God, I love this job”, he muttered to no one in particular.

  • Avatar of DREW SULLIVAN

    A lady is walking down town and she sees a new store with four levels that is called ” the husband store.” Intrigued the woman starts to go In the store when she is stopped by the door man. He says to her” before u go in you must know that once you have seen one and you more past it you cannot go back. Agreeing to this policy is the only way your allowed in.” So the woman agrees and enters the husband store.
    She walks into the firs level where a sign reads SMART HUSBANDS. She looks around and decides that she wants more then a smart husband so she moves on to the second floor of husbands.

    Once she is on the second floor she sees a sign that reads SMART AND HANDSOME HUSBANDS. A little surprised she looks around. Being kind of smart herself she thinks the quality of husband must get better as she goes up in levels. So she decides to move on.

    Once she gets to the third floor she sees a sign that reads SMART, HANDSOME, AND RICH HUSBANDS. Completely excited realizing she was right she doesnt even bother to look around at those husbands and moves on to he next floor to see what could be better then a smart handsome rich husband.

    Once she gets to the next floor she realizes that nobody is up there, just a big sign that reads, THIS FLOOR IS TO PROVE THAT WOMEN ARE NEVER SATISFIED WITH MEN. THANK YOU FOR COMING AND PLEASE EXIT THE BUILDING QUICKLY.

    THE END.

  • Avatar of patrick

    how do you make a tissue dance?

    put a little boogie in it!

  • Avatar of svargas05

    You know, it is always smart to use protection. Even more so in untravelled lands(if you catch my drift). Well, I will be going out to Mexico (very dangerous and always recommended to use protection) and I want to make sure my Evo will withstand the PENETRATION! into a new culture and come back out with me clean and flawless like a champ.

    I need, WE need the protection.

    Thank you! Love your website!

  • Avatar of anthony

    Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’ Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’ They are knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’ ‘I lied about my age’, Bob replies. ‘What, did you tell her you were only 50?’

    Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 90.’

  • When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

  • Avatar of Dave

    A man decided to improve his computer skills, and threw himself into it with enthusiasm. Every week he would check out five or six instructional books from the library.

    After about a month the librarian commented, “Wow! You must really be
    getting knowledgeable by now.”

    “Thanks,” he said. “How can you tell?”

    The librarian explained, “Only two of the books you’re checking out this week have ‘FOR DUMMIES’ in their titles.”

  • Avatar of Ronny Gadea

    A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?

    To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex.”

    “Oh I see,” replied the boy pensively. Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.” He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “Why are there 3 in this package?”

    The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”

    “Cool” says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, “Then who are these for?”

    “Those are for college men,” the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.”

    “WOW!” exclaimed the boy, “then who uses THESE?” he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,

    “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…….”

  • I was checking out the Otterbox Web Site and I’ll probably wait for the Defender Series Case. It appears more rugged and includes a belt clip. However, any EVO case from Otterbox beats what’s available now.

  • Avatar of Dave

    I went down to a local club to listen to a local band. Playing that night was Nathan Nasal and his Nine Nifty Nose Pickers. You may think it’s music, but it’s not.

  • Avatar of Unremarkableguy

    Did you hear about the butcher who accidently sat on his meat grinder. It was really sad because after that he got a little behind in his work.

  • Avatar of Pedram

    Sonny was late for a very important meeting, circling around looking for a parking spot. “Please God” he says, “if you find me a spot, I promise to come to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life!”. Almost immediately a spot opens up, and as he drives into it he again lifts his eyes heavenwards and says: “Never mind, I found one myself…”

  • Avatar of Andrew M

    If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!

  • Avatar of PowerUser

    How can the cemetry raise it’s burial costs and blame it on the price of living?

    I think Otter makes great cases.

  • Avatar of PowerUser

    How can the cemetry raise it’s burial costs and blame it on the price of living?

    I think Otter makes great cases.

  • Avatar of Roger Fry

    A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

    The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

    Meanwhile…..somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

    The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

    To: My Loving Wife
    Subject: I’ve Arrived
    Date: 16 May 2003
    I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
    P.S. Sure is hot down here!

  • Avatar of boxeador

    Que le dijo el mar al toro?
    Nada guey!

  • At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

    While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?”

    “Good question,” noted the CFO. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages.”

    “Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

    “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?”

    “Ah, yes,” replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster.”

    “I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. “Well,” he went on, “What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?”

    “Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the CFO. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.”

  • I will use the cheesy one my daughter just told me.
    It will take you back to elementary school –
    Why was 6 afraid of 7?
    Because 7 – 8 – 9.
    (Seven ate nine).

    Thank you. Thank you. I will be here all week. Dont forget to tip your waitresses! Try the veal.

  • How is religion like a community pool?

    All the noise is coming from the shallow end.

  • Avatar of Ahab

    Why did Tigger look inside the toilet?

    He was looking for Pooh!


  • Avatar of Becca

    Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?

    Fo’ drizzle.


  • Avatar of bRad

    Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?

    To prove to the Opossum it could be done.

  • Avatar of Kyle S.

    Why did the famous movie stars go to the river?

    They wanted to give out some otter-graphs!

  • Avatar of Leeann

    My four year old told me….

    why did tigger look in the toilet?
    he was looking for pooh!

  • Avatar of Adrian

    What’s Orange and looks good on iPhones?


  • What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?


  • Avatar of Eric

    How do you keep a moron in suspense?
    I’ll tell you tomorrow!

  • Avatar of mtntrekker01

    What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    A fsh

  • Avatar of ssteven

    A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way…

  • Avatar of hkimrae

    Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
    A. Where you left it.

  • Avatar of fireluekim

    A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender “Hay , could I get a beer please”
    The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say “No, we don’t serve food here”

  • What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
    Juan on Juan.

  • Avatar of steve gaudreau

    what do you call a dog with no legs? nothing, he ain’t gonna come when you call him anyways

  • Avatar of Doctoxyn

    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. He sits down uncomfortably and orders a drink. The bartender brings him his drink and asks ‘What’s with the steering wheel? ‘ The Pirate replies ‘Arrrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts’.

  • Avatar of Timmy D

    What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

    A: Nothing, you already tried to tell her twice!

    OK OK I know it was bad. I just want to win the Otterbox :)

  • Avatar of Mike F

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.

  • Avatar of boxeador

    What do u call a lesbian dinosaur?

  • Avatar of Heartny

    You can’t spell LOVE without E V O. Coincidence?

  • Avatar of Robbie

    Ok so this is a true and (I think) pretty dang funny story.

    So my friend has a 8 year old son who is trying his best to be on his best behavior. He comes home from shcool the other day and tells his mom that he heard someone at school say a bad word. His mom then asked
    “what was the word sweetie?”
    “I don’t wanna say”
    “Its ok you can tell mommy”
    “It was the B-word”
    “What is the B-word?”
    Commence roaring laughter!
    Pretty funny kid, I love that story. Not your traditional joke, but I would love to be considered for that Case :)

  • Avatar of FlashGal

    Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who walked up to the hotdog vendor and said, “Can you make me one with everything?”

  • Avatar of Ken Smith

    Mouse and an elephant cross paths one afternoon. The elephant says to the mouse I am an elephant. I am so big and strong. I am used to pull things, knock over trees, carry people and supplies and I can crush anything I step on. What are you and why are you so small?

    The mouse stands up nice and strong points to the giant elephant and says I am a mouse and I’ve been sick!

  • Avatar of 3rdgen

    What do you call a woman with sheep on her head?

  • Avatar of pablo

    what do you call a black man who flys an airplane?
    A pilot you freaking racist

  • Avatar of Hudson

    Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:


    “Honey, It’s me.”


    “Are you at the club?”


    “Great! I’m at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?”

    “What’s the price?”

    “Only $1,500.”

    “Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much.”

    “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”

    “What price did he quote you?”

    “Only $60,000!”

    “Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

    “Great! Before we hang up, something else…”


    “It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…”

    “How much are they asking?”

    “Only $450,000… a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

    “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000, OK?”

    “Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”


    The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and asks aloud, “Does anyone know to whom this phone belongs?

  • Avatar of Rick

    A man walks into an antique store in San Francisco for a look around. He spots a golden rat on a shelf and takes it to the counter. “How much is this?” he asks. “$10” the old man replied. “Why so cheap?”. “Well, there is a story behind it. Come back some time and I will tell you”.

    The man pays the $10, takes the rat and begins walking. He hears a sound behind him and turns to see a rat about 15 feet behind him. He thinks nothing of it and keeps going. The sounds grows louder and he turns to see 10 rats 15 feet behind him. He begins to pick up the pace, looks back and sees 50 rats following 15 feet behind him. At this point he’s scared and begins to run as fast as he can. He looks back and is shocked to see 1000 rats running behind him. He ends up on the Golden Gate bridge and stops in the middle. He turns and sees thousands of rats, all stopped and looking at him. He realizes they must be after the golden rat so he throws it over the side. En masse, the rats all jump over, following the statue. The man runs back to the antique store where the old man greets him with a smile.

    “Would you like to hear the story of the golden rat now?”

    “No”, the man says, “I was just wondering if you had any golden lawyers”.

  • Avatar of alex monterroso

    man walks into a bar with a giaraffe,
    both get piss wasted. man starts to walk out
    to leave, but as he is leaving the bar tender says :
    “hey you cant leave that lying there?”
    man responds :
    “thats no lion my friend, its a giaraffe”

  • Avatar of Simon

    A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

    ‘In English’, he said, ‘A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.’

    A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, ‘Yeah, right.’

  • There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

  • Avatar of evo4life

    Wife is like TV
    Girlfriend is like MOBILE (Cell)

    At home watch TV – Go out bring MOBILE
    No money, sell TV – Got money change MOBILE
    Sometimes enjoy TV, but most of the time play with MOBILE
    TV is free for life, but MOBILE if you don’t pay, the services will be terminated
    TV is big, bulky and most of the time old, but MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable at any time
    Operational cost for TV is often acceptable, but for MOBILE is high and often demanding

    Most important, MOBILE is two ways communication (talk and listen)
    but with TV you MUST listen to it (either you want to hear nagging or not)
    Last but not least! TV do not have virus, but MOBILE, yes, they do have VIRUS!

  • Avatar of IcerJo

    Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

    The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had
    been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

    So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

    The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the
    younger boy down and asked him sternly,

    “Do you know where God is, son?”

    The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response,
    sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

    So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?!”

    Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher
    raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed,

    “Where is God?!”

    The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

    When his older brother found him in the closet, h e asked, “what happened?”

    The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We
    are in BIG trouble this time.

    GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Avatar of Steven Crowder

    A guy walks into a deserted saloon. He orders a drink and asks the bartender, “Where is everybody?”

    “Gone to the hanging,” replies the bartender.

    “Hanging? Who are they hanging?”

    “Brown Paper Pete.”

    “What kind of a name is Brown Paper Pete?” the cowboy asks.

    “The bartender replies, “He’s called that because he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper bandanna, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, brown paper chaps, brown paper socks and brown paper boots.”

    “Wow, how strange. What are they hanging him for?”

    The bartender replies: “Rustlin’.”

  • Avatar of LordEnder

    While I picked what I expected to be a ‘short-term solution’, I’ve found my apparently ultra-rare Pt (Platinum Perfected Case Chemistry) HECIOFB case to be an excellent case….however, seeing this OtterBox case (and it’s two siblings), it’s definitely given me pause. I would love to get one to compare them side-by-side. I would happily conduct a review to compare the two if I did receive the OtterBox ;-)


    “Hey, do you like fishsticks?” “Yes” “What are you, a gay fish?”

    (You’ve gotta say ‘fishsticks’ like ‘fishdicks’…just not funny in type :-)

  • Avatar of Scott

    anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant

  • Avatar of Dan C.

    A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”

    After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”

    “No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”

  • the neutron walked into a bar… “One beer please” he said. The bartender replies back “you’re an neutron right??? no charge!!1” Get it!! **nudge nudge**

  • Avatar of Chris

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To get away from the farm!

    Pressed for time.. Sorry!

  • Avatar of Jeff

    I throw my sandwich in the air sometimes,

    saying ayyyooo, I ordered mayo!

  • Avatar of darth obama

    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch…

    Bartender sez hey pirate…u yot a steering wheel hanging on ur crotch….

    Pirate sez….arrrrgghhh its driving me nuts!!!


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