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All the house was sleeping, a Google Home story

My wife watches Cheers before falling asleep. This is one of the few Google Home interactions she has during the day other than asking for what the weather is or turning the heat up and down.

Google doesn’t quite work with her. We’ve got her set up as a user, her contacts should be shared, but it’s like something is just disconnected with her account because she can’t call anyone, find my phone doesn’t work, etc.

Not that she’ll spend the time trying to retrain voice match and the 10 minutes or so to reset up things, but whatever. She asks Google to play Cheers quite often and then falls asleep.

Last night was no different. A couple of episodes in in which Sam gets revenge on Cheers for making him think Gary from Gary’s Old Town Tavern had been killed by a joke Sam played last halloween, Kim had fallen asleep.

The TV remote was nowhere so I whispered over “Hey Google, turn off the Vizio.” Silently the screen shut off. It was now time to put the Google Home into noise generator mode.

Google Home has a one-hour long white noise routine in which it’s not predictable while noise… well, except when you’ve used it for nearly a year then it is. It’s like having two or three fans on high and it’s been great to fall asleep to.

I whispered “hey Google, white noise please.”

Evidently Kim had been playing some music at full blast earlier in the day. What came back was very very loud.

“This is what an elephant sounds like. BLARRRRARHHHHHT. BWHAAAAAERT.”

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I heard a thump downstairs as a child fell out of bed.

Damn it Google Home.

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Paul E King

Paul King started with GoodAndEVO in 2011, which merged with Pocketables, and as of 2018 he's evidently the owner. He lives in Nashville, works at a film production company, is married with two kids. Facebook | Twitter | Donate | More posts by Paul | Subscribe to Paul's posts

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